


Summertime Sadness

by StagsInSilence



Series: Beyond Midnight [7]
Category: Adam (2009), Charlie Countryman (2013)
Genre: Adam doesn't want him to go, Fluff and Angst, Hannibal CreATEive, M/M, Nigel is leaving on a trip, Spacedogs, Spacedogs Summer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-07
Updated: 2016-07-07
Packaged: 2018-07-21 13:35:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7389058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StagsInSilence/pseuds/StagsInSilence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kiss me hard before you go. Summertime sadness. I just wanted you to know. That, baby, you're the best.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Summertime Sadness

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Spacedogs Summer.

"Adam! Adam where in the hell is my fucking passport?"

Nigel's voice echoed through the condo and Adam pattered into the bedroom, fiddling with the little booklet in his hands. A suitcase was half-packed in the least effective way possible; clothing simply tossed inside like it was a load of laundry and not a necessity for a week abroad. 

"Adam?"

Adam looked up at the sound his name, and was faced with a concern look in Nigel's dark eyes. "I have your passport."

"I can see that," Nigel said, pulling it from Adam's hands. "You don't want me to go." 

The soft shake of his head confirmed Nigel's statement and he sighed when Adam pressed himself into Nigel's chest. His sparrow was shaking just enough to be a worry, but not enough to be a problem, as Nigel held him and swayed back and forth in an attempt to calm Adam down. The flight left in a few hours, all details long having been set, and it was now too close of a call to cancel everything.

"This was  _your_ idea, sparrow."

"I know."

"It's too late to call it off now."

"I know."

"Adam, look at me."

Adam shook his head, burying his nose deeper into Nigel's shirt. "Take me with you," he muttered.

"Baby, we've been over this. You can't come with me. I need you here to hold down the fort." 

"Then stay here with me."

"I can't do that either, sparrow. Do you have any idea what kind of shitstorm will rain down on us if I bail?" Nigel forced back a laugh as he felt Adam's face scrunch up in disgust. "Adam, I have a few hours before the flight. Let's do something. Let's get out of this house."

"And go where?" Adam's voice was quiet as it started to shake.

"Anywhere. Doesn't matter. Get your fucking shoes." Nigel gently pushed Adam back and kissed his forehead, "Just breathe and relax, sparrow. We'll have some fun."

 

Once Nigel had finally gotten Adam out of the damn apartment, Adam seemed to calm down a little. It was hot as fuck outside, but there was a wind blowing that kept it from being unbearable. Nigel smoked as they walked, Adam clinging to his arm, neither of them knowing where in the hell they were going. All that mattered was that Nigel had kept Adam from spiraling and that they would have a day away from the thoughts of packing and leaving and being international arms and drugs dealers. 

"This way," Adam said and pulled Nigel down a side street lined with cast iron fences.

"What's this way?"

"The park."

Nigel sighed, "Adam, there are a hundred fucking parks in New York."

"No, I mean  _the_ park." When Nigel gave Adam a look of confusion, Adam continued, "When you came home early from the job in Tokyo, you woke me up and took me to a private park. That's the park that I want to go to."

Nigel smiled at that. It had been a good night. Adam had been so happy with the spacesuit pajamas - Nigel had to hide them when the weather turned warm to prevent Adam from trying to wear them in the summer - and so excited to talk about the stars. If they were going to that park again, it meant that Adam wanted to spend the few hours they had left doing something that would both leave them as content as they could be when Nigel got to the airport. He leaned down and kissed Adam's cheek, "Whatever makes you happy, sparrow."

Adam flushed, but smiled as they walked around the high fence to the gate. He pulled the old-fashioned key from his pocket and opened the gate before letting go of Nigel's arm and practically skipping towards a nice bench in the shade. Nigel shook his head and breathed a laugh, following behind. They sat close together on the bench and looked out at the empty park, the grass and the trees such a vibrant green, that it was hard to tell they were still in New York.

"I'm surprised you didn't suggest sex, Nigel," Adam said, resting his head on Nigel's shoulder. "You always suggest it before you leave."

"You make me sound like a fucking sex addict."

"I didn't say that."

"Implication, darling." Nigel put an arm around Adam's shoulders and used his free hand to light another cigarette. "You weren't okay, Adam. I'm not going to come on to you when you're spiraling. I don't fucking care how long we've been married, your comfort comes first."

Adam nuzzled against him, "If that is true, then you shouldn't go to Bucharest tonight."

Nigel groaned. It was true, he wasn't all that excited to go "home", but this gig in Romania was a big one. Darko had gotten his hands on a rat that worked in some kind of government arms development, and this access to military-grade weapons would be a huge payoff. Huge enough that Adam had even run the numbers and shown Nigel that if they succeeded, they would never have to do a single thing ever again. It was the ultimate jackpot that bordered on being the plot of a fucking _James Bond_ film. The longer he was with Adam, the more Nigel wanted to get him out of this illegal lifestyle. Adam was so sweet, so gentle, so inherently  _innocent_ , that Nigel was starting to resent having dragged him into this line of work. 

On the other hand, the risks were incredibly high on this deal and more illegal than any of the hundreds of jobs Nigel had pulled off in the past. Adam's concerns were entirely valid, and that was all the more reason to keep him save behind a computer screen with more firewalls than the fucking CIA and FBI combined. If things went south, Nigel wouldn't be able to live with himself should any harm come to Adam fucking Raki.

"Nigel?"

"Adam, I'm not taking you with me and I'm not staying here. There's too much at fucking stake."

Adam sat up and looked directly at Nigel, something he only did when he was absolutely determined to accomplish a task, "Nigel, I don't care about the money or the ethical problems or what Darko will say. I care about you and I don't want to lose you to a job we never needed to take. You told me yourself you didn't need to help."

"And _you_ told me I should. _You_ told me that it was a good way to not be fucking bored."

"I've changed my mind."

Nigel took back the arm that rested on Adam's shoulder and rubbed at his face. He then looked at Adam, studying every inch of his face, and thought of how to reject his pleas without setting him off again. "Baby," he started, but shook his head and tried again, "Adam, we've been together for how long now?"

"Eight years."

"Exactly. And ever since we've met, I've had you participate in all of my bullshit that could get both of us arrested internationally or killed or fucking both."

"I chose to participate."

"That's irrelevant. Do you  _want_ to be a fucking drug dealer, Adam? I sure as shit know you still have a fucking problem being an arms dealer. You deserve better than my shitty criminal life. If we pull this off, we can do whatever the fuck you want. We could live down the road from fucking NASA if you wanted. But we  _need_ to do this first."

Adam frowned, his eyes losing most of their sparkle, and Nigel could see that he had gotten through to his understanding. Nigel's own brow furrowed as he tried to figure out where to go from here. Adam had brought him to a happy place to try and talk him out of the job, and Nigel had ruined it by having the better point.

"Baby, say something."

Adam dropped his head and leaned forward until he reached Nigel. "I don't want to lose you," he whispered. "I love you, Nigel."

Nigel wrapped his arms around his husband and kissed his hair, "I love you, Adam. I  _fucking_ adore you. And because I fucking adore you, I promise you won't lose me."

"How can you be so sure?"

That was a question Nigel didn't want to answer.

"Nigel?"

"Don't make me answer that, sparrow."

"But Nigel I wan-"

Nigel grabbed Adam's face and kissed him before he could finish. He didn't want to think of life without Adam, and it was even harder to try and think of what Adam would be put through without him. They were in the park where Adam told him about the Dog Star and in the city where Nigel fell in love. He hated to do this to the love of his life but it was the best option. It was the only option to give Adam the world he deserved to have. Nigel pulled back and brushed Adam's hair out of his beautiful blue eyes. 

"You're so gorgeous, sparrow. Eyes like fucking sea glass."

"You changed the subject."

"Don't make this harder than it needs to be, Adam."

"It doesn't have to be hard at all, Nigel."

It was time for a different approach, "Do you remember what I told you when I ask you to marry me?"

"Yes."

"I told you that I’d be damned if I could spend a single day without you and that I could never imagine wanting to. Adam, I'm doing this job for  _us_. I don't know how it's going to all go down in the end, but I know that I can do anything if I know you're in the wings. All I know is that I will be right fucking here for you until the day I die."

Adam's eyes had become teary and Nigel brushed a thumb over his cheek, "Nigel, that isn't making me feel less worried."

"I know, baby. I just... fuck..." Nigel's voice trailed off as he turned to look out at the quiet park. If only they could just go back to that night when they cuddled and watched the stars. There was nothing else that existed outside of the two of them as they cuddled in bundles of ridiculous fleece before going home to fuck like rabbits. It was a night that actually made sense. 

"Can we walk around?" Adam asked, voice still painfully quiet.

"What? Uh, yeah. Whatever you want."

Adam got up and began down the path before Nigel had even really registered that he moved. The way he walked was stiff and quick, a sign that Adam just wanted to go home but wouldn't say it. Nigel finally got to his feet and made his way up behind Adam as he pulled another cigarette from his pocket. They walked in silence for a good long time, before Nigel couldn't take the silence anymore.

"Adam," Nigel started, but was cut off.

"I don't like the summer," Adam said.

"What's wrong with summer?"

"It's loud and sticky."

Nigel caught up to Adam, and tossed the butt of his cigarette before wrapping his arms around his waist. "This was a bad idea, baby. Let's go home."

Adam turned around and slapped Nigel.

"Ow! Adam, what the fuck?"

"You are a liar, Nigel. You say you'll be here whenever I need you, but you  _aren't_! Your argument in favour of this job is that you're doing it for me, but you don't need to be a drug dealer either! I can go back to my security programing if you are concerned about finances, but considering how much money we currently have, I don't think it's at all necessary."

"Baby, we can't just stop. You understand that people know where we are, right? With this job we can go somewhere where people  _can't_ find us anymore!"

"Why? Why do we have to move? You're always telling me it's important to keep your weapons all over the apartment."

"Because it  _is_ important right now!" Nigel ran his hands through his hair, "God _damn_ it, Adam!"

Adam took a step further back and crossed his arms over his chest, "I want to go home now."

"Do whatever the fuck you want," Nigel spat, glaring daggers.

Adam turned on his heel and walked back along the path towards their condo. When he noticed Nigel following he called back, "Don't follow me, Nigel. I don't want you around."

"Well lucky for you, I'm just getting my fucking passport and leaving."

 

Nigel stuck to his word and was in the apartment only long enough to grab his passport and whatever was in the single bag that was actually packed. The remainder of their bedroom was still a disaster with scattered clothes. The moment the front door had slammed, Adam sunk down on the bed with his head in his hands and cried. They had their ups and downs, but Adam could never remember Nigel yelling at him like that before. It was the single worst thing to ever happen.

Adam fell sideways, but instead of hitting the pillow, Adam's head hit something hard. He rubbed at his eyes and put his hand in the pillowcase to see what he had hit, and pulled out a gift-wrapped package. The present confused him, but Nigel wasn't around to explain what it was or why it was in his pillow. He stared at it for a little longer before giving in to his curiosity and tearing apart the paper. 

Inside was a frame, and inside the frame was a snapshot of Adam and Nigel kissing in their kitchen, smiles present in the corners of their mouths. It was a sweet photo of the two of them although Adam couldn't think of who would have taken it. But then he turned the frame over and a saw a note taped to the back. In Nigel's chicken scratch handwriting, the note read:

> _Sparrow,_  
>    
>  Gabi had the fucking nerve to take creepy fucking photos that first time she ambushed you.   
>  Of course, it was a damn good photo so I wasn't "allowed" to get angry with her.  
>  Think of this while I'm gone. I'll be home before you know it.  
>    
>  Te iubescu,  
>  Nigel xxx

Adam read the note over and over again until he couldn't see through his tears anymore. He was so mad at Nigel for not listening to him. He was mad at himself for being so scared of the world. He was upset and hurt and wanted Nigel to come back so he could apologize and kiss him like they were kissing in the photo from Gabi.

Traffic horns blared on the street below the window and Adam jumped. He really hated how loud it was this time of year. Traffic, tourists, noisy birds trying to nest on their balcony... Adam wished it was cold so he could curl beneath the weighted blanket tucked away in the closet, so he could ground himself properly... Instead Adam clutched the frame to his chest and curled into as tight a ball as he could.

"I'm sorry, Nigel," he whispered. "I'm really sorry..."

**Author's Note:**

> I realized after writing this that I am so full of shit for continuing Beyond Midnight.
> 
> The wedding was supposed to be the end. Then "One Last Time" was supposed to be the end. Yet here we are, "One Last Time" hasn't even been written yet, and I wrote that Star War Day thing. I'm honestly laughing at myself since there was so much love that I put into this series and all that love has been killed. I won't lie about that.
> 
> So here we are, my third fic for a Spacedogs event. Adam and Nigel are still very dear to me. And "One Last Time" is coming later this year, I promise.
> 
> I hope you all have enjoyed the ride so far. The night time you see Beyond Midnight, it _**will**_ be the last time. As much as I love Adam and adore Nigel, the two of them in this verse have become a reminder of lost good times. It's difficult to write them lately. But, all the same, I thank everyone for joining me as I write the honest ending.


End file.
